Thursday, March 13, 2008

Stupid Idea's That Will Ruin Your Life #1: Accordions

In an effort to make this blog more of service to it's readers, I am starting a new feature called "Stupid Idea's that Will Ruin Your Life". The goal of this feature is to help you, gentle reader, avoid doing things that will in the end only lead to ruin.

The way to use these installments is thus: read it, and do EXACTLY what I say to do. Do not question or compromise my advice. Follow it as you would your own impulses. If you are currently doing anything I say not to do, desist IMMEDIATLY. Follow this blog and your life will be spared considerable pain: go against it, and I cannot be responsible from your inevitable suffering.

So, without further introduction, the first stupid thing that will ruin your life is learning to play an accordion. Accordions are not played by anyone worth anything. The only time you see accordion players is in BART stations busking for change, and it is an incredibly sad site. My mother worked with a woman who had three children, and after a series of mis-fortunes (including getting fired from being a nurse), ended up in BART singing and playing Christian accordion, whil wearing a plastic viking helmet.
This would never have happened to her if she hadn't known how to play accordion. She would have saved her dignity, and possibly gotten a real job.

Accordions are stupid because they are very, very difficult to play, and yet give very little back once you have mastered them. THey are little more than extremely difficult jokes. Along these lines, also avoid learning to play saxophone or bagpipes. I know that when one is considering an instrument, they all seem cool and ironic, but the end result of your toils will be nothing.

The only instruments worth playing are keyboard, guitar or drums. They are the only useful ones. They are easy to learn, and pay-off immediatly. Any idiot can make noise with a drum, but it takes a special idiot to make noise with an accordion.

1 comment:

Myles said...

I'd rather play the accordion than a lot of other noise makers. At least you can play multiple notes at once and sing at the same time.