Thursday, December 20, 2007

Holiday Story

I'm a vegetarian for ethical reasons. I hate that animals are tortured to produce meat. It disgusts me.

My parents also have a disabled french bulldog. He wasn't a rescue frenchie- my parents aren't like that- but when he became disabled (after $10K+ worth of surgery) they continue to love and care for him. Killing him for convenience, economics, etc. was never in the cards. I love him, and his name is Jello.

So here is my holiday story:

Every year I am forced to attend this awful christmas eve party at my girlfriend's uncle's house. His name is Byron. I never eat at this party, because though my girlfriend is white, her extended family is 90% chinese, and I don't think any of the food is vegetarian. So this is always a point of discussion, with people insisting this or that is vegetarian despite the obvious animal broth and oil in it. The funny thing is they ignore me almost completely, except that I'm not eating.

Finally, after enough of this, Byron comes and tells me this joke:

"I'm a member of PETA. People for the Eating of Tasty Animals !" HA HA hA HA hA HA.

After that, I usually try to talk to Dr. Don Francis.

You know, the guy who discovered AIDS. He was played by Matthew Modine. Here is Matthew Modine:

Here is Dr. Don Francis:

He's obviously a brave guy: when no one knew what caused AIDS he worked with AIDS patients. I mean, he discovered AIDS, no matter what the french say.

Unfortunately though, thats not what he tells me about. Instead, some how, Jello, my parents dog always comes up (at least for the last two years), and Dr. Don, a few cups in, mentions that thats crazy, that you could totally buy another dog for that money, and anyways, why would you want to save a dog ? Get a new one ! I've been polite the last two years, demuring with words like "oh well, we really love him."

This year, I swear I will tell him to shut the fuck up if he talks about Jello like that.

Happy Holidays !

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